Monday, September 25, 2006

Limitless undying love which shines around me like a million suns

You've all seen PostSecret by now, of course. As that site has become more well known, I find myself questioning the new entries. Don't some of them strike you as fictional and purely for effect? In the case of this one, I can only pray it's made up. This country is litigating and legislating gays out of marriage and adoption, but we're content to have people like this schmuck raising our youth? Isn't parental love supposed to be like the Beatles lyric in this post's title, all unconditional and shit? Loving a kid less for being gay is like loving him less for being tall. Or smart. Or hung. Or impeccably dressed.

image from PostSecret via Duane Moody


freakgirl said...

I used to love Post Secret, but now I think it's just all art pieces.

So don't get your panties in a knot over this one. :)

Jen said...

Man, that's like a punch right to the chest -- I mean, whether it's art or not, you know, because I went through that with my parents.

Michael said...

I agree. People manufacture these now to get them posted up. More than in a knot, my panties are just kinda weary (and saggy in the ass...if I get them snug back there, then the Cubans suffocate) because, sadly, it is still a reality for some kids.

Geesh Jen, it never goes away, does it? I never went through that with my parents because I pretended until I was too old to care what they think. I'm sure they still have a big problem with me (my Mom just ignores it, as she does anything she deems unpleasant), but it doesn't hurt like it would have as a child. As it was, I only guessed how they would react, but LIVING it must have been incredibly tough.

Jen said...

The emotional damage left a permanent scar. But again, you know, I learned to locate/develop a certain kind of strength that I think only comes through experiencing extreme levels of pain, so at this point in my life I wouldn't have it any other way even if that were possible.

I know that my mom hated me, in a way, right up until she died (I know she also loved me; it was complicated), and my dad still has issues with my being queer. I suspect that I will never stop caring what they think, and that the fundamental rejection of who I am by my parents will always hurt, but I have never let any of that get in the way of my being whoever I want to be.

Here’s the big thing, imo: at their core, they are/were both profoundly unhappy, dissatisfied people. And in that core sense, I am neither unhappy nor dissatisfied.

freakgirl said...

Jen, I didn't mean to belittle your situation - I hope it didn't come across that way.

I was having a discussion with a friend the other day, about how everyone's parents fucks up big-time at some point. Gay or straight, pretty much all of us have had that moment where we realized that our parents aren't always the heroes we thought they were. And that can really twist you up for life, if you let it. I admire the people (and hey, I'll include myself in the list of people I admire, heh) that are able to just accept it and move on. One may not ever be able to forgive and forget, but one can certainly accept it as fact and continue to live, right?

Michael said...

I think we all know where your heart is, Freakgirl!

I think it's awesome, Jen, that you recognize their dissatisfaction with themselves as a root of their inability to deal effectively with you. Way to transcend, bitch.

I think it's only been in the last year or so (and I'm ::gulp:: over 40) that I don't feel the need to have acceptance from my parents. I've always loved them and I LIKE them more than I ever did growing up, but I don't really care if they approve of me or not. And if I disappoint them, that's their fucking problem, because I'm kinda fab.

I don't really mind about disapproval from ANYONE anymore. Strong words from someone with one foot still in the closet, but that's just about money (god help me, but I like nice things) and that'll be changing soon, too.

Michael Guy said...

Somedays I wish I was straight. It would all be so much easier. Really.

It's hard to bear the knowledge that I was nowhere near the man my father had hoped his son would grow into. As for my mother--well....gosh..this is sounding bitter and sad.

Okay. Great thought-provoking post, though.

Jen said...

Jen, I didn't mean to belittle your situation - I hope it didn't come across that way.

No, Freakgirl, of course not.

The rejection of queer kids is often not just about the "normal" ways in which parents fuck up, though. Sometimes it is, but other times it's different. It can be a kind of othering that is pretty unique to its context.

Like, my parents were both alcoholics and drug addicts, with a lot of the fucked up behavior that often comes along with those problems -- that was about them fucking up, and that (of course) involved me having to work some things out, too. But their homophobic rejection thing was a whole 'nother deal.

freakgirl said...

Ugh. I'm sorry about your parents; sounds like you got a raw deal.

Q - 60's girl said...

Straight was not easy in the sense i felt incomplete and in the end i was forcing myself on many levels - sexually & spiritually. And now although my parents do seem to somewhat tolerate me, i would do it all again. The realisation makes you feel so "home" your heart feels whole.I will not go back to straight. I am finally me.

What is a man?? Strength is considered characteristic of manhood did you know. MG you are more man than your father could ever have hoped to know in his life... whether he knows it or not xx

Jen said...

It's all good now. Really, I wouldn't change it -- that's not just some bullshit thing to say. It's all made me who I am and I am groovy. :)

The Other Andrew said...

Importantly, we all put a little of ourselves into our blog posts, so I gleaned from this that Michael is tall, smart, hung and impeccibly dressed.

What? I missed what point?....

Charlie said...

Wow. Worst parent in the world award has now been awarded. What are our other categories?

Anonymous said...

Guys! How do you know and how do I tell my partner of seven years?

Michael said...

Are you lost or incomplete?
Do you feel like a puzzle, you can't find your missing piece?
Tell me how do you feel?
Well I feel like they're talking in a language I don't speak
And they're talking it to me

This is what a gay kid feels like. Or this gay kid did. When things start turning all boy/girl in, oh, the sixth or seventh grade, suddenly you're not that happy and funny and smiling boy anymore because everything is suddenly foreign. And everyone is NOT ME. And if you've always been the good boy who lives and dies on approval, well, then you do what you must to conform. That's what a parent's unconditional and VOCAL love can change.