Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Can someone hand me a towel?

Yeah, like I wasn't ass over teakettle crazy for Paul Rudd already. Literally. That's the position I often find myself in when thinking about him. Now he's available as a screensaver.
I've already downloaded him to my desktop, obvs. (Dirty!) Current mood: moistened.

Saturday, May 24, 2008

OK, this is what's freaking me out

A Quinnipiac University Poll released on Thursday shows that Barack Obama trails John McCain in Ohio (by 5 points) and Florida. Hillary Clinton leads McCain in Ohio (by nine points), Florida and Pennsylvania. No one has been elected president since 1960 without taking two of those three states.

Friday, May 23, 2008

Wake me up before I go.......go.

My iPod was so extravagantly generous with me this morning as I undertook my morning ablutions that I feel the need to share my mpeg largesse. Of course I understand that this mix might not be to your taste, but neither is Ramon your iPod. So here is the Friday Random Ten- Will You Do My Back? Edition:

September In The Rain- Julie London
Lifetime- Maxwell
Superstar- Lauryn Hill
Love It When You Call- The Feeling
Invisible War- Julia Fordham
The Impossible Dream- Linda Eder
It Had To Be You- Tony Bennett
Solsbury Hill- Peter Gabriel
These are the Days- Jamie Cullum
High Time- Michael Penn

Thursday, May 22, 2008

I think I did that in yoga last night

Dude is Colombian golfer Camilo Villegas. OK, yeah, I'm fond of his flexibility, but I'm not completely shallow. I like him for other reasons, too. He's ripped.His eyebrows are spectacular.And whether you like his style or not, he brings a much needed dose of fashion to golf.

ADDED: On a more personal note, as of today, my fat pants are loose, y'all. Also, my back is still sore from catching that geriatric in Panera. I'm supposed to run five miles at lunch with 5x2 minute pickups. Hmmmm. Only one more week until the half-marathon. I wonder if I should hold off?

UPDATE: The run went OK. At least my legs and back were good. Here's a tip for any runners out there (or anyone with some tight legs, I guess): get a foam roll and make it your best friend. I can't tell you how much it's helped my calves and hammies.

ADDED: I'm burying this nugget at the end of a post, so maybe not as many people will think less of me. Yeah, I know, I could just NOT say it at all. So, I've never told anyone this, but last year, my best childhood friend lost his mother (as in, she died, she wasn't misplaced). I hadn't seen or spoken with him in years, but after the viewing, we had some sexy time. No! Not right AT the funeral home, although there is another story. Remind me to tell you that one. Where was I? Oh, yeah, me and the bereaved had some dealings. Thing is, I'm not sure if I was providing solace (a pacifier, if you will), or taking advantage. Both? Here's where it gets worse. On Wednesday his dad died, and I gotta say I'm a little excited. See what I mean?

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Surf genius

I picked up Outside magazine because my future husband, Anderson Cooper, is on the cover. The REALLY fascinating article, though, is about Garrett Lisi. He surfs, snowboards, lives in a van, and just may have re-written physics (or not, of course) with his theory of everything. Good stuff.
I've tried to make the rest of my life good enough that even if the physics theories don't work out, it wasn't a waste of time. Garrett Lisi

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

You know?

  • On a good day, it's not that hard to pretend that I like people. Today is not a good day.
  • It feels like I'm surrounded by robots. They talk too much and it's about robot things that I don't care for.
  • I'm not kidding.
  • Are people everywhere really dumb and irritating, or just the ones around me?
  • I think I might be having an episode or something.
  • I'll be drinking wine tonight, obvs. I wonder how many carbs/bottle?

Most of my life isn't real

What do you think of Sam Sparro? Me like. And not just because he can fill out a tuxedo.

Monday, May 19, 2008

That really hurt, Charlie. And it's still hurting.

I kinda hurt my back yesterday catching an old lady in Panera. She stumbled, and her arms started pinwheeling as she went down. I had to turn quickly and bend to catch her as her entire family looked on. She was old, really short, and bitch weighed at least as much as me. Thanking from the family was effusive, but how about a free lunch or something?

Sunday, May 18, 2008

Feel how it quivers on the brink. What? Everything!

I'm just back from my Sunday long run, and I have to share this song. It's one of my favorites and when it came on around mile 5, it struck me that it's the perfect song to go along with the momentous decision made by the California Supreme Court this week. Plus, it's Sondheim, so you don't really need a reason or excuse to listen HERE and to be inspired. Turn it up!

If I could make a man he'd look a lot like you

Right? This dude is Haaz Sleiman and he is jaw-dropping gorgeous. If you don't agree, I challenge you to watch The Visitor, which I saw last night in beautiful downtown Dayton. See him playing drums in his underpants and then get back to me. Beautiful man.
I enjoyed the movie as well. It's about immigration in a post-9/11 world, but on a human scale. It's also a little bit "old man gets his groove back" and Richard Jenkins is fantastic in it. It's the kind of performance I love. So perfect and true and he doesn't act his ass off. Simple. You know?Oh, and besides the well told, non-propaganda-y immigration story, and the groove back story, there's a poignant love story thrown in. Hiam Abbass is magnetic.

Friday, May 16, 2008

Oh, good grief

When I was at the salon earlier, I happened to catch a glimpse of my client file on the computer monitor. I don't know how long I've been going there, but, dude, I've spent $1500 on haircuts. And that's not EVEN what gave me pause. That would be the $550 I've spent on pedicures. What all this means is that if we ever hook up, you totally need to GO DOWN on my feet and then tell me how fucking fantastic they are, thereby justifying my efforts with your tongue.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

She's right. She wouldn't.

As if I would ever suck dick without getting my own dinner on first.

That line is from an email I received today and one of best things I've read in a long time.

Why do all of my dreams extend just around the riverbend?

How long have I been whinging about getting the fuck out of here? Yeah, as long as I've had this blog. Fuck. I got asked out twice this week and it's only Tuesday. By women. What am I still doing here? Why so fearful, bitch? Or is it complacency? Sloth? Gah! You're really tired of reading about this by now, aren't you? Time's wasting, Poca. Dream Giver ain't gonna wait forever. What? Doesn't everyone refer to themselves as Disney heroines in their head?

Monday, May 12, 2008

Hail yes!

  • It was windy and cool and drizzling during my Sunday long run, but it wasn't until after 8.5 miles (1.5 to go!) that things got really interesting. I was feeling a little sluggish at that point, but the adrenaline kicked in when it suddenly got BLACK and lightning started flashing. I found another gear and tore home. With a half mile to go, the skies opened up (think downpour from LOST) and then a mighty wind pushed me the last few hundred meters. I was just onto my porch when the hail started. Exhilarating!
  • The gas station a few blocks away just showed $4.46 for regular unleaded. People were lined up ten deep at the competing place down the street. Now it's down to $3.46. Wanna bet someone at the first place is in deep shit right now?
  • If you employ a COMPLETELY different voice and demeanor on the phone, you're a tool and I wish you would go away. And if you don't stop referring to your co-workers as "lady" and "girly" and "chicky," I can't be responsible for my actions. And slow the fuck down, this ain't the ER.
  • I finished Letter to a Christian Nation, and I'm on to some random fiction from the TO READ pile, so my anti-religion tone will probably become less strident now. FYI. More later.

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Did you make mankind after we made you?

While believing strongly, without evidence, is considered a mark of madness or stupidity in any other area of our lives, faith in God still holds immense prestige in our society. Religion is the one area of discourse where it is considered noble to pretend to be certain about things no human being could possibly be certain about. It is telling that this aura of nobility extends only to those faiths that still have many subscribers. Anyone caught worshipping Poseidon, even at sea, will be thought insane.

Sam Harris, Letter to a Christian Nation

ADDED: If you really believe in the power of prayer to cure illness, why am I certain you'd never pray that your poor diabetic grandma will grow her foot back? You believe God will cure cancer or disease through prayer, so why does God hate amputees so much?

Wednesday, May 07, 2008

I like the way you move

I'm thinking of buying a MINI. Yay? Nay? Thoughts? Any of my tens of people out there have a MINI? Any regrets? Should a grown-ass man be driving such a wee car? I feel like it goes with the current "minimize my impact" wave I'm riding. And, yes, I know that wave is annoyingly au courant. It's hella fun to drive.

PS I'm bringing back "hella."

Before he speak his suit bespoke II

From this morning's news:

Thirty-three new recruits were sworn in as members of the Vatican's elite Swiss Guard on Tuesday. The Swiss Guard, founded in 1506, consists of 100 volunteers who must be male, Swiss, Catholic, single, at least 5-foot-8, and beardless.

They forgot "cut" and "into clergy," didn't they? Or does that go without saying?

ADDED: In other (belated) religious news, the Pope abolished Limbo, y'all! If I was one of those unbaptized dead babies, I'd be pissed. I waited all this time for nothing? A dead baby's time is important, too! Fuck.

You spilled kefir on your keffiyeh

I'm looking at a scar on a man's back when the following conversation ensues:

Me: So, how did you get shot?
GSW: Which time?
Me: Heh. Here on your back.
GSW: Oh, we was rabbit huntin' and my friend shot me in the back.
Me: An accident.
GSW: No. He was pissed off. I woulda shot him back, but I already had my rabbit.
Me: Ever been stabbed?
GSW: Just once. Here. (points to neck)

And, scene.

Tuesday, May 06, 2008

Before he speak his suit bespoke

I don't need to stick something in you or anything, but can we just make out a little?

Monday, May 05, 2008

Don't like his baggy jeans but I might like what's underneath them

Today feels like it's going to be a bullet point day. We'll see.

  • Even after all these years, every time I hear Herb Alpert's Rise (which is often with this smooth jazz station playing at work), I think of Luke raping Laura.
  • I know I live where I live and I shouldn't be surprised any more, but sometimes I still am. By what people wear, I mean. Like what possesses a 50 year old woman in 2008 to wear stirrup pants (in tomato) with SAS comfort loafers? Possibly since the shoes look like baked potatoes, she figured the tomato stirrups meant she was dressing all in the vegetable family.
  • See Iron Man. You may not think you'd drop your panties for Robert Downey, Jr. Just wait.
  • I didn't get up to much yesterday, but I did manage to do my 9.5 mile training run. 27 days until the Dexter-Ann Arbor Half Marathon, and then I'm trying not to think about how many days until the Chicago Marathon. All in good time.
  • Oh, I also finally got to PRO status in Wii Tennis and Wii Bowling. I've only had it for a week, so don't judge!
  • After a long, long break, I started Fitday again today. I don't need to lose weight, but I want to use it to track how my diet is breaking down, nutrient-wise. Speaking of weight, I've fluctuated wildly over the years, but last summer I got way too thin. Why didn't you tell me? Yesterday I was trying to find shorts that fit. One pair.
  • I'm watching The Real World XX: Hollywood. You heard me. I ping pong between hating these people (each and every one) and being incredibly embarrassed for them. Why do I do this to myself? No, seriously, why? It's more than schadenfreude.
  • Nineteen days ago I went to see Dermy. He diagnosed a couple spots on my face as actinic keratosis (which I kinda knew as I'd seen them before). They're precancerous and need to be removed. So he froze them and for the past 18 days I've been applying Efudex (thusly named, I believe, because its effects will say Eff U! to any chances of you getting laid) twice daily to my cheeks. I'm finally done! And now the healing, but until then, I look something like a macabre Raggedy Andy.
  • Wear sunscreen!