Tuesday, February 27, 2007

In this proud land we grew up strong

Dude, when Cuba is more progressive about gay rights than your country, it's time to check yourself.

Every post you can hitch your faith on is a pie in the sky

I know I just waxed rhapsodic about the poetry and beauty of the songs on the new CD from The Shins, but I'm gonna share these anyway. So melancholy...so gorgeously sad.

A Comet Appears

One hand on this wily comet,
Take a drink just to give me some weight,
Some uber-man I'd make,
I'm barely a vapor

They shone a chlorine light on,
A host of individual sins,
Let's carve my aging face off,
Fetch us a knife,
Start with my eyes,
Down so the lines,
Form a grimacing smile,

Close your eyes to corral a virtue,
Is this fooling anyone else?
Never worked so long and hard,
To cement a failure,

We can blow on our thumbs and posture,
But the lonely are such delicate things,
The wind from a wasp could blow them,
Into the sea,
With stones on their feet,
Lost to the light and the loving we need,

Still to come,
The worst part and you know it,
There is a numbness,
In your heart and it's growing,

With burnt sage and a forest of bygones,
I click my heels,
Get the devils in line,
A list of things I could lay the blame on,
Might give me a way out,

But with each turn,
It's this front and center,
Like a dart stuck square in your eye,
Every post you can hitch your faith on,
Is a pie in the sky,
Chock full of lies,
A tool we devise,
To make sinking stones fly,

And still to come,
The worst part and you know it,
There is a numbness,
In your heart and it's growing.

Friday, February 23, 2007

And you come to my sweet shore to indulge it

I've had a quiet week. I've been sleeping a whole lot. I guess I needed it. Now I feel like getting out....jump in the car and see where I end up. Ju wanna ride shotgun? Here's what's spinning in the CD changer:
  1. Mika- Life In Cartoon Motion: I think I've raved enough about this disk, but I do love every song on it. So theatrical, which, as you'll see, seems to be the current theme. (Like it's not always the theme, right?)
  2. Scissor Sisters- Ta-dah: Can they do wrong? Maybe, but not yet.
  3. Lily Allen- Alright, Still: I've had this one for six months or so (thanks to my girl in the know), but it's only been in the last few months where I finally GOT it. It was always there, under my nose, but things have their time, you know? So funny, so snarky, so enjoyable.
  4. Regina Spektor- Begin To Hope: I bought this one last weekend after picking it up and putting it down a dozen times over the last few weeks. Fidelity brought me in, but On The Radio owns me.
  5. The Format- Dog Problems: I found this band over at Chez Freakgirl as well, thanks to my straight boyfriend, Chuck. Quirky, fun, fascinating instrumentation and the lead singer's voice has infected me. Listen to Time Bomb or Oceans and just try to keep from singing along. Hook-laden heaven.
  6. The Shins- Wincing the Night Away: My love is usually laser-focused on one target (I guess you could say I'm a one band man....ha!), and I'm beholden to Mika, but these guys have my eye straying. I want to fall into this disk and drown. I've pulled up lyrics for every song. Claw myself with pleasure much? Yeah-huh.
    Born on a desert floor, you've the deepest thirst,
    And you came to my sweet shore to indulge it,
    With the wan and dreaming eyes of an orphan,
    But there is not enough,
    There is not enough.
So, come with?

Can't knock 'em out, can't walk away

Hot. As. Fuck.
Later, they both had their shirts off. I'm not a fight fan, but Oscar De La Hoya has always pumped my nads (as a good friend is wont to say). And this Mayweather dude makes me want to put my mouth on him.

Friday, February 16, 2007

Haven't you people ever heard of closing the goddamned door?

That almost makes me wanna take up cross-stitch, but I'd definitely put it on a flouncy, ruffly pillow. You know, so it would blend with my decor. There are more.

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Can we take the next hour and talk about me?

  • My house is made of glass as much as anything else. Why else do you think I'm so reserved with my judgments? No, really, it's all picture windows and French doors and transoms and sidelights. Let me tell ya, it's a bitch to keep them clean. Or so I hear. Anyway, one tends to feel "on display". There is this one short hallway, though, that exists isolated from prying eyes, and when I walk through it, I dance my ass off. Every time. The approach is casual, but then it's not just a little shake, I'm talking prancing and arm swanning. Just as quickly, it's over, except for the lingering smile.

  • I must add that I totally BIFFED in the snow today. I came home to find that the guy I'd hired to clear my drive had not yet been disposed to do so. The snow at the curb was piled to 3 feet (at least). And me in loafers. Blast! Always form over function with me. What I need is some of those kicky boots Stamos was wearing on The View yesterday. So picture my delight when I climbed the pile and found it bore my weight! So light, so lithe, I imagined I'd scamper all the way to the front door. Well, everyone knows what they say about pride and the fall, but when the fall cometh, it still cometh unexpectedly, so when my foot suddenly sank into the thigh deep snow, I sprawled. I think there's still snow in my crack somewhere.

  • I spent just shy of an hour today in front of the mirror practicing cute ways to wear a scarf. No, I said scarf, not neckerchief. Who am I, Paul Lynde suddenly? Cold here, remember? I was surprised to find that I have four scarves. There's a gray one in wool, a striped one in earthy tones that looks great with my motocross-style leather jacket, the spankin' new red cashmere deliciousness, and a little blue number in an insouciant argyle. Does that seem like a lot?

  • My parents wear me out sometimes. Is it just mine specifically or is that whole generation like a horde of Energizer bunnies with AARP cards? My mom just called, urging me to check my attic for any snow that may have blown in during the recent near-blizzard. She'd checked theirs (who does that?) and her constant vigilance was rewarded by the discovery of a few tiny drifts aloft. So, my mother and father formed a two geezer bucket brigade and nipped that leaky-ceiling-waiting-to-happen right in the bud. Bless 'em. Now I have to go look I guess. Heh. Or I can just say, "I didn't check but I'm sure it's fine" when Mom calls to follow up. They'll just happen to be in the neighborhood in two, three days tops.

  • Oh, and happy VD, y'all! That's a gift suggestion, not an accusation. Or confession. You're welcome.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

She's my man and we got all the balls we need

Isn't John Stamos like the gayest straight man ever? I can't even tell you how much I love him. He was just on The View wearing a gorgeous suit, fabulous boots and this smashing ring. Don't even get me started on the hair. Nummers. He did crafts with Rosie. Stamos has a certain edge to him, right? You know what I'm saying. Kinda adventurous, like he'd be open to suggestions. Don't you think? Don't you think? I raved about his recent turn as a gay party planner in Wedding Wars, but I haven't caught him on ER. How is that these days? John, John, John. So funny, so charming, he has a cat, and TMJ..... ::melts::

Three feet high and rising

Not quite three feet, but upon further review, maybe I was too hasty in my condemnation of the local weather doomsayers.I've already paid bills, finished the payroll, and cleared my desk of all correspondence, and I have, oh lessee, six hours to go. I'm about to offer my services at a significant discount, gentle souls, and as the day gets long and my mind begins to wander, my fingers tend to follow suit.

UPDATE: It's officially a blizzard, people. Somewhere, former Channel 7 Chief Meteorologist Gil Whitney just blew a load in his grave. (That was for you, Beau. I just went old school on your ass)

Monday, February 12, 2007

Don't know why there's no sun up in the sky

There is a war on. The earth is warming toward climate disaster. AIDS is sweeping nearly unchecked through Africa. So which of these events dominated my morning news? WINTER STORM WATCH 2007!!!!!!!! We might get 6-12 inches of snow, y’all! What am I doing writing this when I should be hitching up the buggy and getting to the general store to stock up on milk, eggs and bread? Oh, who am I kidding? The shelves are already bare. You know, cuz nothing gets you through a snowstorm like French toast.

You think I'm kidding about this WINTER STORM?!?! Check out the radar image, yo:See those delicate little wispy fingers of snow? Sure, they don't look like much now, but just you wait! It's gonna snow and snow and snow and then, and then, well, it's gonna stop.

Sunday, February 11, 2007

Same as it ever was

And you may ask yourself
What is that beautiful house?
And you may ask yourself
Where does that highway go?
And you may ask yourself
Am I right? ...am I wrong?
And you may tell yourself
My god!...what have I done?

Letting the days go by/let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by/water flowing underground
Into the blue again/in the silent water
Under the rocks and stones/there is water underground.

Saturday, February 10, 2007

Gimme one reason

I'm at work at 6:40 AM on a Saturday morning. My face is dry, my eyes look old, my hair is not right, there's something in my underwear scratching at my nuts but damned if I can find it, and I've somehow gained three pounds since yesterday. So go ahead. Push me. Gimme a reason, bitch.

ADDED: If you're checking out song lyrics and, as you look down, you happen to catch your reflection in the CD jewel case, do not under any circumstance look directly at it, especially if you're already in a crap mood.

Friday, February 09, 2007

Everybody wants the same thing

Be warned, this may devolve into one of my recurrent whines. Which is kinda funny, actually, because tonight I'm going to a wine tasting. A Big Gay Wine Tasting. These kind of events freak me out, not because I don't know anything much about wine (there are always plenty of folks eager to display their skillz), but because I put TOO MUCH THOUGHT into them. Remember how I'm bored and kinda lonely? I had cultivated a lovely group of friends, who, no surprise (actually, with one of them, it was a bit of a surprise...let's just say he's got a skeleton, only he's keeping it in my closet), all fell into marriage and breeding and now, credit to my lack of interest in PeeWee Hockey or who that little bitch Savannah left off her birthday party invite list, there's not much left to discuss. Anyway, I know that I need to meet new people. My people people. So go meet them, right? I'm not looking to move in with some dude tonight and, like, adopt a dog together from the shelter on the way home. Intellectually, I know this, but emotionally I'm tense and then conversation is forced and stilted and....ughhh! But I'm going.

Thinking it'd take the edge off, I came within a hair's breadth of scheduling some spa treatment for this afternoon (maybe that back exfoliating/wrap thing I've been dreaming about)(now that the fungus is no longer amongus), but glory be I've been hemorrhaging money lately, so I think I'll workout and then grab my book and find some cozy nook in a coffee shop (preferably with a fireplace) instead. I will dash into the salon for the Aveda re-stock (Control Paste, Hand Relief and Lip Saver), but that's it!

I should just RELAX, right? The wine tasting benefits a good cause (ARC Ohio) and who knows, maybe I'll bump into a queer or hag at the buffet and we'll both be humming showtunes. Heh. What are the odds of that?

Thursday, February 08, 2007

All the girls seem to like you

Are you loving Ugly Betty as much as I am? It's funny and sweet and the cast is phenomenal from top to bottom. I can go many television seasons where nothing tickles my fancy like this one. In the lean times, thank the lord there's Phil to back into. I mean fall back on. There's a breezy interview with Betty's Mark Indelicato in USA Today that is worth a read. As I suspected, he kind of IS Justin Saurez, but even more amped up, if you can believe that. It's refreshing to see how this boy of a different stripe is confident and comfortable and most of all, supported.

The queer cup overfloweth in today's McPaper, as there is another article about how gay teens are coming out sooner, and to greater acceptance, to family and friends. Of course, some asshat from Family Research Council gets to add his two cents:
Homosexuality is harmful to society, and young people have no business committing to a sexual identity until they're adults.
I'm beginning to think groundless and ridiculous quotes like that may help more than hurt. Straight or gay, who didn't recognize sexual feelings before adulthood? When he makes assertions counter to that, it makes people suspicious of anything else he says. Maybe the numbers bear that out. From 1982 to 2006 the number of people who felt homosexuality was acceptable went from 34% to 54%. Ch-ch-ch-changes.

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

If loving you is wrong, I don't wanna be right

Remember when I said I like to imagine that everyone in the gym is listening to the same songs that I am? Dudes are benching to Carol Channing and whatnot? Well, what if your iPod playlist were suddenly broadcast to the entire gym? My very favorite ex-pornstar, Tom Judson, discusses that and sundry other topics in an entertaining podcast at Julian Fleisher's Guilty Pleasures (or here). The skinny is that Julian interviews folks about the song they are loathe to love so much, but the conversation ambles (wittily) hither and yon from there. So far I've only heard La Judson's stint on the show (he's charming, smart, and hilarious, per usual) , but I look forward to confessions from the likes of Martha Plimpton, Mo Rocca, and Molly Ringwald (who's spawned entire soundtracks of guilty pleasures, right?). Enjoy, and thank me after!

ADDED: Oops! The point of this post, besides vigorously plugging Tom (mmmm....give me a moment), was to hear about your guilty pleasures. Mine's easy. Since I didn't partake of Ricky Martin's latest release, I have to go with Josh Groban. Not one song, I mean his whole music catalog. Love him, I do, but when the RANDOM mix has him bursting forth from the patio speakers in the summer, for all the neighbors to hear, I must admit I cringe a little. But, honestly, he's like the new Velvet Fog, right? Only, English, Spanish, Italian, Portugese, he sings in tongues, y'all. ::swoons:: ::(redfaced)::And yes, I know you were thinking Mayer, but he's a genius. The rest of you just don't know it yet.

Hey, what's the big idea?

I know I dress too well to make it on the show, but that doesn't stop me from really wanting to be chosen for TLC's What Not To Wear. Even if I were to fake my wardrobe, it'd make for bad tv. I might try to front, but that'd last about five minutes before I was all arms splayed and hollerin': Stacy, Clinton, Nick, Carmindy, just HAVE AT ME! DO ME, DO ME, DO ME, as you will!
Where's the drama in that?

Should I bend over, should I look older, just to be put on the shelf?

Couple questions. First, is it ever appropriate to get a raging boner in an art venue? Remember when I went to that contemporary dance performance on Saturday? And my favorite Banana Republic salesmorsel was a performer? I know it's art and all and it's supposed to elevate one's sensibilities, but there was a certain vignette where, but for a flesh-toned thong, he was naked (and his body...boys, his body is art) and two women painted his flesh with vibrant colors and then lay him down on a blank canvas, after which the canvas was raised with the impression left by his form.....well, it's a good thing that I was seated in back because it was either stand and adjust or....or....well, there was no "or". I had to stand. Is that OK as long as I was emotionally and intellectually stimulated as well?

This next one is more serious. I had left plenty of time to get to that performance, but didn't count on an accident on I-70, so I was left scrambling for a parking space and then running through the bitter cold and wind so as not to be (more) late for the show. Up the sidewalk a ways, and struggling more mightily than I, was a diminutive young woman (less than a meter tall) on a non-motorized scooter. What's the etiquette in that situation? She was barely moving against the wind, and undoubtedly trying to make the opening curtain as I was. Would it have been rude to offer her assistance? I mean, she was fully capable, just very slow. As it was I muttered something about the verchacte cold and just blew by, feeling horrible. Thoughts?

Come to my window

I saw this over at J. Go's joint (boy, it's feast or famine over there, yo), so I thought I'd try it. My results aren't nearly as flattering as his, but I suspect the same goes for our respective personalities.
Your Five Factor Personality Profile


You have medium extroversion.
You're not the life of the party, but you do show up for the party.
Sometimes you are full of energy and open to new social experiences.
But you also need to hibernate and enjoy your "down time."


You have high conscientiousness.
Intelligent and reliable, you tend to succeed in life.
Most things in your life are organized and planned well.
But you borderline on being a total perfectionist.


You have low agreeableness.
Your self interest comes first, and others come later, if at all.
In general, you feel that people are not to be trusted.
And you're skeptical that anyone else really feels differently.


You have high neuroticism.
It's easy for you to feel shaken, worried, or depressed.
You often worry, and your worries prevent you from living life fully.
You tend to be emotionally reactive and moody. Your either flying very high or feeling very low.

Openness to experience:

Your openness to new experiences is high.
In life, you tend to be an early adopter of all new things and ideas.
You'll try almost anything interesting, and you're constantly pushing your own limits.
A great connoisseir of art and beauty, you can find the positive side of almost anything.

Monday, February 05, 2007

Just a stretch of mortal time

I had a moment to savor in the gym just now. DIRTY! Not really. There were only a few guys in the weight room and dude was going on and on about some policy change they announced at Sunday Mass. This little area is about 98% Catholic. He says, "Am I supposed to worry about this? Isn't it just another man-made rule?" From the squat rack in the back comes the voice of my old neighbor/reason: "They're ALL man-made, dumbass." He was too far away to high-five, so I let out a little "thank-you!". You have to understand just how archly conservative this area is to get why this little blasphemous exchange delighted me so. Especially from a senior citizen. I mean the neighbor, not me.

So aren't you dying to hear about which movie I chose? Well, no one offered a suggestion, so what's a gay to do but skip both and go see the touring production of Aida. Disney's Aida, that is, not the opera.Hmmmm, I liked it. You know how Disney takes their cartoons and makes them into smash Broadway musicals that Midwestern tourists (like, oh, me) keep running for years and years? Well, this one was never a cartoon, but it's CRYING to be adapted into animation. "Adapted" is really too strong a word. Change the hero's wisecracking sidekick into a wisecracking animal sidekick, and you're good to go. Still, as I said, it was enjoyable, but I'm always a sucker for a reincarnation story. "Our love will never die" and all that. SO romantic. Plus, you can always count on Elton John to write a catchy melody.

I bought a last minute gallery seat and it was just me and another dude, who, when I prodded him at intermission (again, DIRTY!) about his thoughts on the show, responded, "Well, I've seen it forty-two times. My partner is in it." Love the theater. Oh, and did you know that the ancient Egyptians were blonde and gym-buffed?

ADDED: Heads up, ladies. Tim Gunn will be on Oprah today (even more dirty?) offering up SIX FASHION MISTAKES. You won't wanna miss that. Oprah also has a segment on a granny who posed nude in Times Square, so you might wanna watch the episode through your fingers like I'm going to.

Sunday, February 04, 2007

Bullet the blue sky

  • I'm not a gamer and I don't have a high-def tv, so why was I still tempted by the one remaining $599 Playstation 3 that was in stock at my Target yesterday? Thankfully, reason (and my still vacation-bloated VISA) won out.
  • Babel or Letters from Iwo Jima? I mean, which should I see instead of watching that football thingy?
  • I am still truly, madly, deeply in love with Mika. You should/will be, too. The bloom won't be off this rose for a long time, but there is just one little thing. It's no big deal or anything. Not even worth mentioning. Well, it's just that his website features a link to Perez Hilton.
  • I saw the DCDC's Colorography: The Dances of Jacob Lawrence last night. I've had very little exposure to contemporary dance in a live venue. I was a little worried I wouldn't "get it." I'm not sure I did, but irrespective of any missed themes, I found it joyful and powerful and sad and moving and altogether delightful. OK, I'll confess what put my ass in the seat was that I discovered my very favorite unbelievably gorgeous salesmorsel from Banana Republic (you know, the one who made me buy this, not because I looked so good in it, but because he did) is actually one of the lead dancers.
  • I'm not a bath guy (that brief restroomguy646 period, notwithstanding), and yet I have two tubs. The one off my bedroom is unmanageably large and by the time it fills, my water heater is spent and I'm over it. The other tub fills expediently, but I'm left deciding which half of me will be submerged at any one time. I can be creative in a pinch (and....bottoms up!), but I'm there to relax. Still, I had the LUSH Ne Worry Pas bath bomb (free with purchase!) to use up, so I partook of la petite tub this week. Totally worked, guys. No. Worries. And my therapist said this day would never come. All you LUSH hatas? You can suck it.
  • I guess that's all for now.

We're destined in the sky (redux)

Remember the Free Will Astrology guy from last week? If I promise this won't become a weekly feature, will you let me share one more? This week he has kindly offered to write a personal ad for me.
Slapstick thinker with refined sensibilities seeks a saintlike sinner with insanely cool style for a long-distance joyride toward the outskirts of Nirvana. Established meditation practice and a good bedside manner are desirable. Would it be too much to ask that you might also have a high level of emotional intelligence without boring me to death with your maturity? Is it possible that you'll be an entertaining talker who also knows how to listen with your wild heart turned up all the way? Let's keep reinventing ourselves forever.
Yes, please. Form an orderly line to the right. To expedite things, slip out of your shirt while you're waiting.

Friday, February 02, 2007

I'm stuck in the ways of being an ass, and I've got a lot of nerve that I'm ready to pass

On a lighter (and dirtier and decidedly less p.c.) note, you really have to check out The Sarah Silverman Program, guys. The first episode was on Comedy Central last night and I can't remember the last time I laughed so loud and so often over 30 minutes of television. It's not highbrow, mind you, and she's hit or miss, but when she hits, it's outta the park. Sarah's character is Sarah Silverman, her sister, Laura, plays her sister, Laura, and her dog, Duck, plays her dog, Doug (out of respect for his anonymity). All hilarious and that's even before you get to Sarah's two big, orange, gay neighbors. Last night's episode also included a cold medicine-induced cartoon hallucination and a few moments of Sarah spontaneously bursting into song. Count me in.

Now I am throwing off the carelessness of youth to listen to an inconvenient truth

You've no doubt read about the global warming report, right? It was released today from the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (United Nations). Among other things it says this:
Warming of the climate system is unequivocal, as is now evident from observations of increases in global average air and ocean temperatures, widespread melting of snow and ice, and rising global mean sea level.
Unequivocal. You know scientists are never quick to use that word. This report is making headlines all over the world, and with any luck, things will start to sink in more with the general public, me included. A really heartening and immediate result of the report is happening in England. The Environment Minister there, David Miliband, said this:
The debate over the science of climate change is well and truly over, as demonstrated by the publication of today's report.
He then announced that all secondary school children across England will be shown Al Gore's documentary on climate change, An Inconvenient Truth. Now that's how you make a change, isn't it? EVERY kid will see it. I know I've harped about seeing that movie, but it is very well done, not excessively partisan and, despite the name above the title, not dry or boring at all. Check it out.

This might come off as preachy, and Lord knows there are myriad changes I need to make, but how about everyone who reads this buys one compact fluorescent bulb this weekend? Or two, and give one to a friend. ALL the scientists agree that time is running out fast and that we have already committed the earth to centuries of warming temperatures and rising oceans. Can a few light bulbs help?
If every American home replaced just one light bulb with an ENERGY STAR, we would save enough energy to light more than 2.5 million homes for a year and prevent greenhouse gases equivalent to the emissions of nearly 800,000 cars.
Me? I'm gonna buy a half-dozen because I feel like I've contributed more than my share of environmental gases this week. Dude, my car totally smells like broccoli, and I don't eat in there if you know what I'm sayin'.

Thursday, February 01, 2007

Gotta blame it on something

GAYSTED: (adj) when heterosexual people get so wasted, they slip into seemingly gay acts.
The loose definition: "It is when you are soooo drunk (wasted) and dudes start dancing with you and you just sort of go along with it and then they start putting their arms around you and you just kind of keep rolling with it because you're drunk and you sort of think the dude is being your dancefloor bro, but then when you sober up you realize that the situash is sort of weird. When this happens, you tell your friends, 'dude, i got so gaysted last night.'" (via)
That made me smile. Speaking of smiling, Sarah Silverman was just on The View and she cracked my ass up. She is funny as hell and her new show, The Sarah Silverman Program, starts tonight on Comedy Central. You knew that her boyfriend is Jimmy Kimmel, right? At first that didn't make sense to me, but then I was like, 'Oh yeah, couples are always the funny one and the other one.'

Lastly, big ups to Freakgirl for giving me a proper introduction to Mika. I can't remember the last time I've been so instantly and completely in love! We're talking DARK GAY LOVE. No lie, because of him I just popped my MySpace cherry, guys, but it was totally worth it. Don't make me go back there though, OK?