OK, maybe I am straight after all. How else to explain my urge to give Ali Larter a tongue bath?I could fall back on the whole retarded "Well, she's PIE and who doesn't love PIE?" argument, but that wouldn't even fly in Mike's World of Delusion, Denial and Obfuscation. Here's the thing, not only would I like to taste her, I'd like to eat things off her. Like my lunch, off her ass.And it never hurts when they like to dress kinda slutty. Seriously, I think she's wearing this in the airport.Plus, she's got the trailer trash vibe going, which, as y'all know by now, really works for me.Makes me pine for home and gives me timber. Her one distracting flaw is the bunny smile.But it just serves to further endear her to me, cuz Lord knows I do not mind a toothy blowjob. If you haven't been watching her in Heroes, you should rectify that immediately because you've been missing the best show of the new season. They've had more PAY OFF in three months than Lost has in two years.
You know I'm just playin' with all this STRAIGHT stuff, right? I'd knock the bitch down and step on her if we were in a race to get some Ronaldo: