Thursday, August 23, 2007

We can't return, we can only look behind

Both Men's Health and Details have been so kind this month as to tell me just how far along I am on the path of steady decay. They've done it in the guise of skin care guides for men divided by decade. Now I understand that there will be fine lines and wrinkles. Age spots and discoloration, even. And my hairline is a gentle (lately) reminder of the direction I'm heading. Still, some of this shit is downright depressing. Specifically:
By the late forties, it’s all downhill, as the lax skin on the cheeks, lips, eyelids, and jaw is unable to resist the tug of gravity and starts to droop. The fat pads beneath your eyes also begin to slide, causing puffy bags and a tired appearance. “Even the tip of your nose starts to point south as the support structure of cartilage breaks down,” Matarasso says. Last, as the body continues to age, it begins to redistribute fat; on your face, that shows up as deflated cheeks and sunken temples.
My damn nose is gonna start dripping off my face? The neck is one that really gets me, though. I don't think I've really accepted that one day I won't have a neck. That point was driven home the other day when I was shaving and the skin kinda folded under the blade a little. Next stop, gobble gobble fer fucksake! Wattle I do then?

Oh, and these "guides" don't even venture into the 50s. I guess you're already beyond fucked by then, so I guess it's best to start drowning my sorrows around 48.

One thing, this guy they have as an example of 40s skin is damn hot.Slap a kilt on him and you won't hear from me for a week. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to schedule a series of Aveda Botanical Skin Resurfacing treatments.


freakgirl said...

I already have the "puffy bags and a tired appearance" going on, and I'm not 40 yet.


The Other Andrew said...

I'm like a poster boy for skin problems these days. Not. Happy.

43 is just around the corner. Ageing sucks.

Michael said...

This post was such the picker upper wasn't it?

A year ago I was offended by "You look good for your age" but now I embrace it.

Oh sure, I'll use pills, powders, potions and tonics, but otherwise if they don't like it, fuck 'em. Fuck 'em all!

Jen said...

I still get acne, and now I'm getting wrinkles as well. Apparently, my aging body has decided to model George Costanza, skipping all of that attractive adult stuff and going directly from adolescence to old age.

Sherri said...

I'm hoping my years of completely hiding from the sun will stand me in good.

Ur-spo said...

pishposh to men's health
their goal is to worry you so you will buy their magazine for the umpteenth article on how to flatten your abds.