Wednesday, August 01, 2007

Hey, if you ain't gonna use it, just give it to us....we'll give it a HOME (or An Ode to Big Brother's Nick)

We're likely on the eve of his eviction, so I feel like I have to toss off a little (public) homage to my Big Brother crush, Nick. Of course he's been feted privately more than once. Trust.I know! He's cartoonishly hyper-muscular and has those Cro-Magnon features that will make my back arch involuntarily. What's not to love, right? He's flirty with the girls.... AND the boys.What else? Oh yeah, within the first few days in the house he talked about sucking off some dude AND he has a Top Five list of guys he'd fuck around with. Ryan Reynolds is on said list, if I recall correctly.(Yes, that's a completely gratuitous Ryan Reynolds shot, but then again, aren't they all?) Where was I? Oh yeah, Nick. As amply evidenced this season, Nick is not afraid of looking stupid (which freakgirl equates with "blast in the sack" and I heartily concur). In that spirit, he's now given himself a mohawk, which gives me the tinglesack and I don't care what you bitches say about it. Oh, and he sings Mika in the shower!

::sigh:: Hang in there, buddy! I'm still hoping against hope that Jesus steps in and saves your hot ass. If that's in His plan, of course. Jameka says God is gangsta (that's what she loves about Him) so maybe He'll be swayed by your tats or something. Seriously, people, what's a Big Brother house devoid of man candy? It's last season once Dr. Will was gone, that's what.

ADDED: Here's another funny tidbit for you.
..I think A.C. Slater quite possibly could be the dreamiest guy ever (sigh)...
That's from Nick's MySpace page.

26 comments:

freakgirl said...

This post is Nicktastic.

I hope he finds it when he's evicted and comes home and googles himself (DIRTY).

Michael said...

Thanks to you, I now have a new dream, FG.

I'm giddy over this post title, btw. If they don't want him, just give him to me...I'll give Nick a HOOOOOOOME, Jack White-style.

Chaucer's Bitch said...

in that second photo he looks like a dark version of Wesley in The Princess Bride. smokin'!

Michael said...

He will always come for you!

The Other Andrew said...

...so to speak. Quite hawt. What's the story on the two boy shower scenario?

Sings Mika huh? Sounds like another clue in the puzzle to me.

One of the weird rules they have on the Aussie Big Brother is absolutely NO singing of commercial music in the house. If they want to sing, they have to make it up. Usually to quite horrendo results (ie this year they made up a 'tune' called Embrace The Magic. Um, how about you Embrace My Fist?)

Michael said...

I love it when you get all butch.

I was watching that shower video and BIG BROTHER kept coming on asking Nick to stop singing. It took me a few minutes to realize that costs them, right? They have to pay Mika now.

Michael said...

Oh, and about the two boy shower scenario? These two boys, Nick and Zach, they showered together.

Well, to be more specific, I think it was after a task wherein they had to coat their bodies with butter and then wring themselves out over giant tubs of popcorn. As you do.

The Other Andrew said...

You know I hate the smell of popcorn. But I could probably make an exception. Sign me up for a giant size tub with lashings of boy butter.

freakgirl said...

Isn't that Dustin he's with in the outdoor shower picture? I don't think a single person in that house has touched Zach voluntarily.

Andrew, on the live feeds if the inmates start singing, the feeds immediately go to "front of the house," a still picture of the BB house. I think Nick got out one verse of Mika before getting yelled at.

Dr. Will of past seasons used to sing when he wanted to strategize without any feed viewers hearing him.

Michael said...

OMG, FG, I think I'm getting senile. Or is it that I can't be bothered to care too much about these houseguests? No, senile.

Andrew, Nick is lathering up Dustin, this cutie pie homo who's just a dream, except for his unfortunate attachment to a plunging v-neck t.

freakgirl said...

I swear I want to reach into my television, rip that v-neck tee from his body and shove it down the garbage disposal.

Hoping against hope that BB brings back the "let's burn each other's clothes" contest I've always loved.

Michael said...

I love that, too. Dustin's tee and all those clever JEN-themed shirts. I'd say burn the unitard, but for the environmental concerns. Oh, and Nick's mankerchief!

Did you like how Dustin changed shirts at one point and it was ANOTHER V-NECK t, only white. And SLEEVELESS!

freakgirl said...

Oh god, I didn't notice that.

I curse Joe. You know he probably once told Dustin that he looked hot in a v-neck.

You know, before the gonorrhea.

Michael said...

Ha! Yeah, definitely pre-clap. There's usually not much sweet talkin' after you've shared a VD. I'd imagine.

The Other Andrew said...

We just had our grand finale a few nights back, and sweet young homo Zach came second with 49% of the viewer vote. He was an intruder put into the house halfway, and these guys are normally Marked For Death at the first opportunity, you know. So he did really well.

Let me tell you, that girl was Loud & Proud! He entered the house in a white suit, corset and purple fedora. He was such a sweetie, and so comfortable with being himself, that he completely won everyone over. It was nice to see.

Michael said...

Now I wanna see that!

So the public votes on the winner? I think that'd be better. Here it's a vote by evicted houseguests.

freakgirl said...

They let us vote for noms, evictions and winners during Season One, and it was the most deadly boring bullshit season ever. Every interesting person was booted immediately.

Americans can't be trusted to control Big Brother.

freakgirl said...

Andrew, your BB Zach sounds adorable! I WISH we had a character like that. Instead we get two guys accusing each other of spreading the clap, and Dustin's stupid v-neck shirt.

Although the simple fact that we had two gay guys in the BB house at the same time was a first in American BB history.

WHY DO I KNOW SO MUCH ABOUT BIG BROTHER? HELP ME.

Michael said...

I'm a johnny-come-lately to BB and the fact that I'm there at all is mostly your fault, FG. Curse you! And thank you.

freakgirl said...

Oh, you're welcome.

The Other Andrew said...

Your BB sounds really, REALLY different than ours. Here the housemates nominate the 3 eviction nominees based on a point system. Two points to Most Hated and 1 point to Second Most Hated. Then the public have a week to vote to evict from the 3 nominees.

Also, every Friday night the housemates compete in a hilarious games night, slippery pole knock 'em downs, eating challenges, blinfolded soccer games, you know the sort of thing. Each week is a theme, like 70s Disco, movie stars, Tarzan/Jane, etc. The winner of the games is then given The Power Of The Twist. They must secretly remove 1 nominee (ie themselves if they're nominated, or someone else) but must then replace them with someone else from the house. Only, the replaced and replacement nominees only find out on eviction night. Tension!

Also, this year there was no prize money. Each weekly task in the house came with $$ prize, so the housemates were super motivated to accomplish the tasks. The winner ended up with $450,000 and a sports car etc. Plus most of the other evictees get cars and other crap.

freakgirl said...

That sounds SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much better than ours.

Michael said...

Way.

And I hear theirs is much more filthier.

The Other Andrew said...

Was. We used to have a rather tacky late night Big Brother Uncut show that showed all the nudity (showering etc) and sexual shenanigans but that was promptly stopped when it tipped over into sexual harrassment territory. Ie: 2 of the boys held down one of the girls and 'turkey slapped' her in the face with their cocks. Everyone went into meltdown and the 2 boys were thrown off the show immediately. The girl involved wasn't too happy, but largely shrugged it off as boyish hi-jinks. The reaction saw the show cancelled next season though. It's not really missed, although you can't vote for the housemate with the biggest wang anymore...

freakgirl said...

Michael, my condolences on the loss of Nick.

I must say, when Julie Chen revealed the twist to him and his only reaction was, "Well, isn't that nifty," I sort of wanted him.

Michael said...

Big Brother Nick gives A.C. Slater a run for his money in the DREAMY department.

Overall I think he made a classy exit. He called Daniele out for not cluing him in, which I think was within the bounds, as it was for her to keep it from him. She's playin'. He was harsh on Jen, but I think that was mostly misunderstanding. Oh, and in his final plea he used the term "bee's knees."

Do you know if he had the mohawk when he talked to Julie Chen this a.m.? I want to see him cue ball. Yum.