I've been outside myself for so long

OK, this post comes courtesy of your favorite gay Buddhist from Down Under (Aussie, Aussie, yo!) Andrew, he of The Other Andrew fame. It's one of those meme things. I'm not even sure what meme means but I can only assume contextually that it's a shortened version of something like Another Excuse To Talk About Me Me Me, so of course, I'm on board. Herein lies the drilling. I answer the questions my dear OA sent, and as part of this meme you get to request five questions from me. Just read the instructions at the bottom of this post and send me a comment requesting an interview. I'll hit you back with my queries, some invariably inappropriate for polite company, but then you wouldn't expect anything less. OK, here's my shit and FYI, it's bananas. I promise I'll stop with the Stefani lameness. Just give me one more week, k?

1. If you had to leave a legacy to the world, what would it be?
In school, I was the annoying kid who needed more than just an A, I needed perfection. So right here I'd be raising my hand and asking for clarification on this question. Since Andrew is most likely off whoring around Sydney right now, I'll go with my gut. Legacy is a heavy word. Since fame and fortune and notable achievement are unforeseen at this point in my life, I'm going to offer an epitaph that I've considered. If it turns out to be true, I'll be satisfied:
He kept trying and he meant well.

2. What is your ideal pet?
I've had my ideal pet so this is an easy one. To know a hyper, loving, athletic, intelligent and beautiful Wheaten terrier named Scout was to love her. She went running with me, she studied with me, she slept with me and she gave me hugs and kisses like a good girl should. Honestly, you would have loved her. Everyone did. As great as she was, if I ever have another dog (I'd have to get a boyfriend first, about as unforeseen as the aforementioned fame and fortune), I would get one that didn't remind me of her so much. Probably another terrier. A Kerry Blue maybe, named Jem. They're strong and strong-willed and could do the road miles with me. If you are reading this and think you'd like me to take care of you while you take care of our puppy, hit me up already, bitch.

3. What is the biggest misconception most people have about gay men?
I think the biggest misconception is that being gay is all about sex. If I never had sex with a man before and never had sex with a man again, I'd still be gay. Being gay informs everything about me, but at the same time, I'm not so very different from a straight guy. I'm still all guy. I don't know how to explain it. In the end, we're both looking at dick in the showers, my brotha, just for different reasons. P.S. Relax already, it's big enough.

4. Who was your first kiss?
I had girlfriends all through high school, so I can tell you about the real first kiss with a girl, but even I would be skimming that part on the edit, so I'll just get to the goods. My first kiss with a guy was somewhat anonymous and random and inappropriate. And awesome. He wasn't a stranger per se. I had taken Water Instructor courses with this dude, so it was two weeks of us in close proximity in swim trunks. He was seemingly oblivious. I, on the other hand, found it frequently necessary to wait a while before exiting the pool. Anyway, I was a lifeguard, but also worked at a funeral home and that's where I met up with him again. He was at a funeral. We started talking. He asked if he could get a beverage. We talked some more. We went into the casket room for some privacy and noiselessly, breathlessly mashed and groped. I pulled back and our eyes locked. I sank down to my knees in front of him. No, I'm playin'. We just kissed a little. In a funeral home. Surrounded by caskets. His grandpa laid out in the next room. I was 16. His name was Matt. I suppose I could have just answered with those last two sentences.

5. Who would you like your last kiss to be?
I honestly never picture myself growing old with someone. Maybe that's my problem. I need to focus! ::squints:: For now, when I think of this, I see a kiss or three from my family, both actual and acquired. I have two sisters I worship, and a whole other family that has taken me in as one of their own. Again, though, if you like the ring of that me and you and a Kerry Blue scenario, speak up, son.

Am I done already? Don't I get to talk about myself just a little longer? OK, and this is the part that kind scares me, it's your turn. If you're not interested in what I have to ask, that's totally fine because like Anne Bancroft said in that Bridget Fonda classic, Point of No Return, "I never did mind about the little things."

Instructions: 1. If you want to participate, leave a comment below saying “Interview me.” (I will accept "Do me righteously") 2. I will respond by asking you five questions - each person’s will be different. They'll be in the comments for this post. 3. You can answer in your blog but I might let you cheat and answer here. I'll take the fall if the Meme Lord comes a knockin' 4. If you answer in your blog, howsabout including this explanation and an offer to interview others in the same post. 5. When and if folks respond to you, rinse and repeat.