LOVE has done wonders for The Other Andrew's complexion, but let's be honest, it hasn't been great for his blog. Is that tough love? I've always wanted to employ that. Actually, I still heart his blog. I loiter daily. I peruse the archives for long lost gems. And this has all been an elaborate segue into co-opting his shit and dressing it as an homage. Are you ready for some Yays! and Boos!, people? This edition only covers my Tuesday morning. I'll preface this by noting that just now, when I pulled my socks up, there was an indented line on my legs where the elastic had been. Harsh reality time: guys bloat. Anyway, on with the shoe:
1. One of the women who works in my office returned from a 10-day cruise. She's refreshed, but she has retained her conversational habit of responding to even the most mundane statements with, "You are kidding me!" and "Are you serious?". BOO!
2. You've all heard of the fabled third nipple, of course (see Marky Mark). Well, I met a man this morning who will see your two nipples and raise you two. And these aren't "are they moles?" nipples, but rather quarter-scale, "developed enough to beg for licking" (not that I would as I am the consumate professional) nipples.YAY!
3. At one point mid-morning, I had a shapely woman's leg across my lap. And it wasn't attached to her at the time. YAY!
4. It smelled a little. BOO!
Lunch is over. We're split 50:50. Great batting average. Not so hot for free throws. I like to throw those sport references in just to keep the fags on their toes. I'll update the list as time and conditions warrant.
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24 comments:
Dude. #3. Wah! I used to temp at a place that made and fitted artifical limbs. There was a closet next to my desk that was full of children's legs. I still wake up in a cold sweat sometimes.
#2. I dated a guy for a short time who claimed to have a third nipple. It looked like a mole. He was way more proud of it than a normal person should be. We later broke up in an ugly fashion that stemmed from me wanting to watch a Yankees game instead of meeting his stupid family. :)
Freakgirl, kids legs would be creepy. This one was adult and rather comely. Well, except for the "onion-y" aroma, but it has been humid around these (and her) parts.
And, gah! I've met those third nipple pretenders before, too! Where you just wanna say, "Bitch, please." These accessory nipples were goodly sized though, and one to each side, in the same position you'd find them on a dog or hog.
Yowza.
I'll settle for a cup of coffee, but you know what I really need
Yes, Yes, Mikey. There is nothing quite like a hot strong one first thing in the morning. Either white or black, I'm not fussy.
And you know I don't even drink coffee, right? ;-)
Bodhi! Christonacracker, I missed you. And I'm with you. I'll have mine with cream, but hold the sugar until after you've brushed, please.
Mikey!. JesusJosephanddoggystyleMary, I missed ya too ya big hunka spunk.
MWAH!
Hey, you like totally called me out and dissed me in fron of the whole Internetz beyootch! That's it... it's a flame war, or a Flamer War, whatevs.
Ouch, that smarts. It's not love that's made my blog go off the boil, it's this fucking winter. All I want to do is piss and moan about it... makes for nice reading, don't you think?
You know I was just playin', right? I wasn't so much calling you out as calling you home, darling. Just missing you, bray. OK, it was a cry for attention. But it was fun. Admit it. You love it when I get stern.
::digs stiletto in::
PS You know I LOVE it when you whinge about what can only be described as temperate weather. Almost as much as I like your "I so busy" posts! Almost.
And ummmm....errrrrr....there's NOTHING interesting at freakgirl today, so just skip her, k? Sweetheart?
HA HA!
I just wrote like 4 different responses but they all turned out nasty sounding. I don't take criticism well.
At the risk of inspiring TOA's wrath (think Khan but with shorter hair), I was only thinking the exact same thing during my walk yesterday (or the day before maybe)...
DUDE! I. Was. Playing. Not REALS. You're my brother. My homeslice. If I'm not down wit my Down Unda Gay, I'm nothin'.
Be really nasty with me, Andrew. Chasten me. Make me feel your sting.
Seriously, I have nothing but love for you, and your musings. This whole "take it too far" thing has happened to me in real life and you didn't even have my wildly expressive face and insouciant tone to work with, so I can see where you might misunderstand. Don't make me cry in front of everybody now!
And you shutup, Yani! ;-) Don't stir the pot!
RE: Item #3: I just tasted a small amount of vomit at the back of my throat. Though gimp sex intrigues me. "Fuck my legs off" takes on a fresh perspective no doubt.
:: buzzed on chardonnay; painting my nails EVITA red ::
I've said it before, MG, but it bears repeating. I love a stump.
PS Tell Andrew how much I always go ON and ON about him! Tell him!
Oh, and yummy.....that shade of red really pops against the white charmeuse....you should ALWAYS be in an empire waist.
Lookit, folks: if we all had a new BF/gal pal/Jenna Jameson vinyl pussy toy we'd not have time to post much either. Hurrah for Andrew!
My blog is a substitute for a satisfying sex life; between posting, self-abuse and liquid eyeliner experimentation I barely have time to put a few hours in at the office. My BF suffers so.
Andrew: Michael "Pipedreams" adores you; why just a few days ago your name came up on our list of 'Aussie Bums we'd eat'
...why just a few days ago your name came up on our list of 'Aussie Bums we'd eat'
Oh, high praise indeed! Thanks Michaels! :) I love a double act.
I'm fine, I'm messin' with you a little too Michael. My blog HAS gone off the boil a bit recently, I know it, I'm about to implement a strategy whereby I post lots of entries about the women I'd fuck if only I wasn't such a big homo. I think that'll work. :P
Now THAT'S more like it!
P.S. Use the word PIE. It draws the lesbians in. And even a stray hetero dude. Seriously, I get like a couple hundred hits on Wednesday, easy.
Now he's come out swingin', hasn't he, Q? I knew he was just pretending to be a pussy. It's not for nothing that I say he puts the ROCK in Pocket Rocket.
As for the PIE, I suppose old habits die hard. It's been a while since I actually PARTOOK (ah, those crazy '90s), but I still have such a mad appreciation for a well-turned out woman. Or a really trashy one. Or one with a bangin' body. Or one who's really strong. Or funny. Or "in your face". Or political. Or......
Pick me! Pick me!
Freakgirl, I pick you every day, darling.
Q, I loathe sounding to "lifestyle choice". Did it come off that way?
You're my brother. My homeslice. If I'm not down wit my Down Unda Gay, I'm nothin'.
Shouldn't that be "brutha"? :P
And TOA... I'll hold him down, you Turkey Slap him :P
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