Father's Day had me thinking about whether I'll ever have children. I think I already mentioned a striking moment that occurred last year. I was holding my youngest niece, she was a year old at the time, when my father was asked how many grandchildren he had. He responded, pointing to the babe in my arms, "She's the seventh, and last." Threw me. Hard. I can't really argue with the point, but it struck me that he was not expecting kids from me. Don't get me wrong, I'm not even sure I want them. I wonder what kind of father I'd be. I also wonder what kind of father would turn his kid out for being gay. The title lyric from Pink (admittedly, I'm not normally a fan of the Pink/pink) is directed toward Bush. The line that precedes it is "What kind of father would take his own daughter's rights away?" Good questions, both. Who does that? Forget everything else he's done for a second. What does that say about this father of two daughters? The beautiful picture above really drives that point home, doesn't it? It's an ad for an important resource, The Ali Fortney Center, in New York, which provides care and shelter to GLBT youth who are turned out by their families. It seems that this is a problem on the upswing because more kids are coming out sooner, often to negative result. Are there organizations like this one in most major cities?
That's youth, but there are new resources for the other end of a big queer's life, too. Gay retirement communities! How fun does that sound? I'm guessing they might get a lot of straight people who would want to live there, too. I can see the hags lining up now. RainbowVision (hee!) is in Santa Fe and had its grand opening in June. They have some sweet condos and townhomes, a cabaret (of course!), theaters and restaurants and all the amenities a geriatric fag could want. Better yet is that they are building one in Palm Springs, y'all.ADDED: As the day has worn on, the man above has morphed into my big, black sex cop and he's holding our adopted son. OK, I'm hopeless. Fucking sue me. Oh, and I felt the need to include the other ad from the Ali Fortney Center site, because it's just too beautiful not to.
11 comments:
Hi! Just dropping in. Cute post. I just happen to be the gay dad of two daughters who'll someday pick my retirement home. Not directly related to your post but, heck I liked it anyway :)
What do you mean "not related", CR? I'd love to hear more about your family. If I have kids at this point (I'm 41), they'll be adopted. I don't have any great sense that I have to pass on my genes. Do you post about your kids/family/fathering? I'm gonna check out your blog. Thanks for stopping.
Michael, ok if I call you Daddy?
OUCH! That comment from your Dad snapped me like a wet towel across the bottom. I know. I know...entertain that vision for a moment. But I digress. I, too, when holding my infant nephew while he played with the colorful block I'd spread before him years ago...wondered what kind of dad I'd be. Or make.
Then he shit himself all over my Hilfiger chinos forcing me to squeeze my fat ass into my brother-in-law's Dockers, I don't know which humiliation was worse: the baby poop or the Dockers.
I'm with Andrew; I'll call you "Daddy." Your $1,000 a month gets my picture and the knowledge that I'm wearing D & G. Would Daddy have it any other way?
Andrew, call me daddy? That's fine, but ummm, didn't your momma teach you not to speak with your mouth full?
Michael, it was a striking moment and completely lost on my father. I must have had an "OOF" expression on my face, though, because my friend standing nearby gave me the most sympathetic look. Oh, and for $1,000/month, that picture will have to be of you riding my bone. Oops. Was that rude?
My party trick is not so much speaking with my mouth full as humming the Hallelujah Chorus from start to finish. It's neat.
Neat AND sacrilicious. Two-fer.
Rude? Not at all. "Rude" would be your failure to purchase the complete photo set. That's (1) 8" x 10", (2) 5" x 7's" suitable for framing, and of course, the (24) wallet-sized pics for just under $1,250. (I'm throwing in the premium photo paper, Gipsy Kings mood CD and Yellow Tail vino)
Oh, don't let these silly billies get to you; your blog today was tender and thoughtful. Most of us I think long and have some regret for the 'no children' consequence of who we are.
I am so glad that they have these resources for queer kids now. If I ever wind up with any substantial money, these folks will get a fat grant from me every year.
I never wanted children when I was younger but I want them now desperately. I have the baby hunger very badly and just seeing them sometimes makes me cry. At age 36, it's only getting worse, but I figure it can't last too much longer. Perhaps because my birthday suit came equipped with a uterus, I never saw being queer as any kind of block to having them. (A block to having them accidentally, yes, but I always pegged that for a good thing.) In my case it's the damn disability that makes having them impracticable. I've got the time and desire -- hell, I'd be the best soccer mom who ever felt up another woman in a minivan at halftime -- but because of the illness, I just don't have the money or the energy.
Dude, those are awesome pictures and indeed it sounds like they are doing great work. We have people doin similiar work for GLBT youth here in Sydney. In fact there is a place called Twenty 10 for gay youth that runs a place literally just around the corner from us in Newtown (and they run from other places throughout Sydney).
www.twenty10.org.au/
But Bro, when I read I also wonder what kind of father would turn his kid out for being gay, I felt a pang. Like that railroad spike above is going through my heart. Just shy of 27 months now, and I have nothing, from either of my parents. They have completely and consciously shut me out of their lives. I don't have any anger. I don't regret telling them. I would do it again if I had my time over. Even knowing what I know now.
But f**k me, it still hurts at times.
But at least I am a financially independent and emotionally mature adult, able to look after myself. Most of these kids don't have that luxury. It makes me more than happy that such places exist.
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