Holy crap was I in a foul mood today. Really, really bad. Like I wanna twist the heads off delightful Disney woodland creatures bad. You know what makes it worse? A couple things. First, just talking about it like I don't have any control of my own emotions? That burns me even more. I know I do have the power to change it, but still I don't. Fuck. Second, when I think to myself that I have no right in the world to be so angry? I realize I have life by the ass basically. Damn, realizing that just makes it so much worse, too. So, I'm going to spin off Andrew's Boos and Yays, but just sticking to the Boos. Five of them, though, TOA-stizz.
1. If you are going to ask my opinion, will you please have the fucking courtesy to let me give it before you start talking over me and telling me I'm wrong? BOO! And dude, although you will find "supposably" in the dictionary, it makes you sound stupid.
2. If you are having a massive herpetic outbreak, do not move in for a peck on my cheek after we hug. Seriously, just back off, Viral Vector. No offense to my friends out there with the herp. I love you. I do. Especially when you are in your dormant phase. This is just common courtesy and basic hygiene, no? BOO! Also, jesus, do you ever wash your feet?
3. While it's sad that a little girl found a piece of dog poo in with her Halloween treats, the local news does not need to flash a picture of the feces at me during my lunch. BOO!
4. I have an itch right now. Only one thing will adequately scratch it. That thing is not presently at hand. BOO!
5. I found another grey hair on my chest. BOO!
Pleasant, huh? If we're gonna be friends you may as well see it all, kids. Also you should know that if you were around here right now, you'd need to be sexing me, fast and nasty.
So Monday you found out I'm some sort of porn freak and now you know I'm a cranky old bastard. There's a personality flaw revealed each and every day here at Pipedreams, folks. That's some bang for your buck. Tomorrow, we may start through my list of phobias. Who knows? Stay tuned! Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go trim up my pubes. That usually helps. Help me Lord if I spot a grey one down there.