Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Oh, Johnny get angry, Johnny get mad, give me the biggest lecture I ever had

Holy crap was I in a foul mood today. Really, really bad. Like I wanna twist the heads off delightful Disney woodland creatures bad. You know what makes it worse? A couple things. First, just talking about it like I don't have any control of my own emotions? That burns me even more. I know I do have the power to change it, but still I don't. Fuck. Second, when I think to myself that I have no right in the world to be so angry? I realize I have life by the ass basically. Damn, realizing that just makes it so much worse, too. So, I'm going to spin off Andrew's Boos and Yays, but just sticking to the Boos. Five of them, though, TOA-stizz.

1. If you are going to ask my opinion, will you please have the fucking courtesy to let me give it before you start talking over me and telling me I'm wrong? BOO! And dude, although you will find "supposably" in the dictionary, it makes you sound stupid.
2. If you are having a massive herpetic outbreak, do not move in for a peck on my cheek after we hug. Seriously, just back off, Viral Vector. No offense to my friends out there with the herp. I love you. I do. Especially when you are in your dormant phase. This is just common courtesy and basic hygiene, no? BOO! Also, jesus, do you ever wash your feet?
3. While it's sad that a little girl found a piece of dog poo in with her Halloween treats, the local news does not need to flash a picture of the feces at me during my lunch. BOO!
4. I have an itch right now. Only one thing will adequately scratch it. That thing is not presently at hand. BOO!
5. I found another grey hair on my chest. BOO!

Pleasant, huh? If we're gonna be friends you may as well see it all, kids. Also you should know that if you were around here right now, you'd need to be sexing me, fast and nasty.

So Monday you found out I'm some sort of porn freak and now you know I'm a cranky old bastard. There's a personality flaw revealed each and every day here at Pipedreams, folks. That's some bang for your buck. Tomorrow, we may start through my list of phobias. Who knows? Stay tuned! Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go trim up my pubes. That usually helps. Help me Lord if I spot a grey one down there.


The Other Andrew said...

Hopefully a pain shared is a pain lessened.

I've gotten to 41 with precious few grey hairs, but they are creeping in now on my chinny, chin, chin in the goatee. Grey hairs are always sobering. Commiserations dude. Manscaping time?

Is it any consolation that even in pain you make us laugh? Viral Vector ::snort::.

You know we love you for these 'flaws' as well right? In fact, they make me like you a lot more. Otherwise, impossibly perfect.

Were I in Ohio, U.S.of.A. I would offer you a hug, a snog, or bang you senseless, you know, whatever helped. :-)

luscious loulou said...

White. I have a white pube. Well, of course it was a one off and of course I keep pretty tidily cropped or even depilated (is that the right word?) because, well, just yuk!

And my yesterday and this morning was Crank city, M. Except for a few fab things which seemed to make absolutely no difference to my mood. Sheesh. But I wrote them down and will savour them when I feel better.


luscious loulou said...

Oh yeah.

One more thing. I'm making a New Moon Wish List from the Astrologer Yasmin Boland. Ten things, she says. God, they came easily to me! Just rolled right off the end of my rollingwriter, they did. Nine things plus World Peace as per her suggestions.

Here's the times to do it:New Moon in Scorpio on November 2 at 1.24am GMT

The time for New Moon wishes:
New York : around 8.30pm on November 1
London : 1.30am on November 2 (or as soon as you wake up that morning)
Sydney: around 12.30pm on November 2

Here's how to do it: http://www.yasminboland.com/newmoonwishes.htm

Now I've got to read about how my November is shaping up. Yes, I read this stuff... but mostly forget it except if really gooood stuff is involved. Sex and new lovers - oops, that's on My New Moon list. Probably shouldn't have said it outloud ... nah, it's all good.


Michael said...

Thanks for the commiserating, A. I don't feel bad, just cranky. You like it rough sometimes, right?

loulou, I think it's good to be tidy down there. 'Shiny' isn't good though, is it? See the comment about the 'baldy' in the post below.

I'm checking out the new moon wishes now.

The Other Andrew said...

Just don't break the skin, otherwise it's all good. :-) You gots to take the rough with the smooth sometimes.

luscious loulou said...

Rough and smooth... oh yeah, oh yeah!

No bald - eek and gasp. But delicately defined under a thong. And Yes, they're comfortable! I'm used to that feeling after lo these many years. Everything else feels like granny pants. Yikes!

You know this is making me feel better!
But only three minutes until I recite my New Moon list. Gotta go.


The Other Andrew said...

Dude, if you're feeling less of the crankypants/randypants tomorrow, I think you need to balance this with a Yay! list. I for one would like to hear what's on your Yay!s. :-)

Michael said...

I'm working on the Yays. I'm using a cat o'nine tails.