Cuz you'll get banked something sweet, Ice Cube and Da Lench Mob is jackin' for beats

Like Ice Cube and Da Lench Mob, this dude used to jack for beats. Only in his case, it was jackin' off. I used to watch. It's confession time once again here at Pipedreams and this will not be casting me in a good light. So why am I doing it? If you're reading this, you have a right to know what kinda perv you're dealing with, I figure. So there was this site I used to check out. Not regularly, mind you, but from time to time when I felt like hanging out with some freaks and gays to talk smack and laugh. Kind of like somewhere else we know. So there was this guy (pictured) who was kinda cool and he was all into hip-hop and a bit thug-like and, well, need I say more? The way the site (Flirt4Free) worked was you could chat someone up for nothin', but then if you slipped him some coin, he'd do pretty much what you asked, within reason. Like I said, this guy was kinda cool (oh, I know, he's wearing a fade in the picture, but otherwise!), so I'd privatize him occasionally. I can feel your pride in me from here. Wait, it gets worse. Most guys, when they were paying, would have the dude get naked and jack it, right? Well, when Malcolm up there saw that I was paying, he knew he'd have to pump and flex (he had great quads and good ass), possibly dance wearing only his leather jacket, and then tear shit up. You heard me. You know how brothas be wildin'? I'd have him rage and throw shit around. Once, a chair he threw bounced off a futon and back into his head. That's right, in essence I paid him to self-inflict a scalp lac, people. That was the best. Ummm, anyone still around? If you are, remind me to tell you about the guy on there who could wrap his foreskin around a Coke can.