Friday, May 19, 2006

Hey pretty, don't you wanna take a ride with me?

Hey Pretty. Anyone remember that Poe song? I used to LOVE the remix version where her brother is dubbed in spouting his ridiculous poetry/prose. So cheesy. So good. Made me horny in the shower this a.m.. Here's a bit of her brother's (Mark Danielewski)stuff. Pronouns have been changed for my own prurient benefit.

Positioning my fingers on the shiny metal tab, small and round, like a tear,
Then murmuring a murmur so inaudible that even though I could feel his lips tremble against my ear, he seemed far, far away
Pinch it, he said, which I did, lightly, until he also said pull it, which I also did, gently parting the teeth, one at a time, down under and beneath, the longest unzipping of my life...
Then came Eve. Let Me Blow Ya Mind. Eve and Gwen are a heady mix, no question, but not necessarily bonerific, unless you get a little backstory. Remember that internet porn guy? Malcolm was used to jackin' for beats but I sometimes paid him to get aggressive and throw shit around. Remember him? Cabbage for wildin' seemed like a fair trade for both of us. Anyway, there was this one time when it was a little more overtly sexual. He was naked when I arrived. Eve came over the PA. I had him put his leather jacket back on. Cool black motocross one. Had him dance. He ended up putting three or four fingers up, which I didn't even ask for. How sweet is that?

SO, long story long, between these two songs, I pulled a nice one off in the shower. Don't worry, though. If you ever stay over, I have a nice guest bath. Plus, if you wanna use mine, I've been utilizing this.

The morning jerk usually perks me right up. So why am I in such a FOUL MOOD? The Cubans aren't due to be shaved for a few more weeks, so that won't help. What am I supposed to do now?


Jen said...

lol, even your bathroom cleaning products look like they're jerking one out.

Sorry you're feeling foul, sweetie. I know it's not much to look forward to, but I will hopefully be off my dead-tired ass in a week or two and then we can go out, drink (you are worth risking the hangover), dance, and snarkishly rate variously sexed bodies while they groove on by.

Michael Guy said...

Oh, got it bad today! My fixin' o' EVE is when she joined forces with MARY J. BLIGE on "Not Today." Play it loud like you mean it, mofo! Word: "fingers?" Do I get some Vueve Clicquot first before I sing one of those heartbreak hotel numbers?

freakgirl said...

Does that scrubbing bubbles stuff really work?

I remember Poe! She sang, "Angry Johnny," too. I loved that song.

Michael said...

Jen, I'm feeling better already, actually. Nothing like a salon day. But boy, my hair is really short. I think it actually makes my head look less large, which is usually a feat reserved for smoke and mirrors. I'm surfing courtesy of Panera, having my beloved Fuji Apple Chicken Salad, and then after I'm rubbernecking through the lofts they have open downtown.

Michael G, I'm still incredibly horny, but now it's more of a light, let's laugh and play green, instead of a push your face into the pillow so I don't have to listen to your incessant moan green. Both have their merits, but a definite distinction exists. Oh, and yeah, fingers. Good ol' Malcolm. He had a girlfriend, confessed to me privately that he was only gay for pay on Flirt4Free, and yet FOUR fingers went in awfully easily. And of course, darling, you have simply but to name the lubricant of choice which will make you sing. Oooh, maybe I should make a quick sidetrip to the Diana exhibit for a HRH souvenir!

Freakgirl, I just started using the Scrubbing Bubble thingy, mostly because it's so fun and gadgety, but it seems to be working OK. I don't think it replaces cleaning the shower, but keeps it really fresh in between time. It's only been one week. I'll let you know. And Poe, I only have a few of her songs. Don't know the one you mentioned. I'll send the cheesy, sexy version of "Hey Pretty" to whomever amongst my kindred here is interested in sampling it. Just holla.

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