Wednesday, December 07, 2005

To faggots, lezzies, dykes, cross dressers, too, to me, to me, to me, to you and you and you

It's time to clear out some bric-a-brac from my brainpan. It might be five things. Or not.
  • If you accidentally set the microwave to 50 minutes instead of five minutes, and then start reading freakgirl and don't notice that it's running and running and running, after 15 minutes or so twelve oz. of broccoli and cauliflower will dessicate down to the volume and consistency of a healthy loogy. Did I eat it anyway?
  • Nearly everyone has mad love for the iPod, but mine grows daily deeper when he shuffles through all my Christmas tunes and pipes them throughout the house (and yard!). Until now, I never realized that I have 205 holiday morsels. You heard me.
  • Call me cynical but I tend to fall on the other side of Phoebe in the 'no truly altruistic act' debate. I brought many bags of non-perishable food items to the local St. Vincent de Paul's mission because it makes me feel good. Is it still a good thing if only some of my reasons are virtuous? I know some of y'all won't like a Catholic organization, but the food goes directly to the homeless and hungry in our own community.
  • Speaking of Catholic things, over the weekend my niece (8 y.o) was questioning the existence of St. Nicholas. For those unfamiliar, St. Nicholas brings presents on Dec. 6 to all the good lil' girls and boys, provided they are acolytes of the holy and apostolic church, of course. Niece thinks he's dead and her Mom is providin'' the swag. Astute, I say. I mentioned this to a dude at work. He reported that when his son asked who St. Nick is, he told him, "He's Santa's poorer brother. That's why the presents aren't as good. And instead of a sleigh, St. Nick rides around in a rusted out van, so be on the lookout for him." The kid is five! That's hilarious/borderline abusive, no? Now, in my head, St. Nick looks like Chris Farley.
  • Over the weekend, I saw Rent. Again. I liked it even better the second time. Hence the last few post titles have only a tenuous (at best) connection with the content. They're just what I'm singing in my head. Later, I went to Linens-N-Things, despite the fact that I despise how they spell their name. I was in Nate's section, surrounded by all his products and all those large head shots of him and his perfect hair and pristine complexion, and jesus help me, I swooned. Laid right down on one of his beds for a second. Now that's a faggy evening, Randy, no matter how you slice it. I bought towels. Why won't he offer the duvet I want in queen size? Anyone care to bite on that one?
  • You know I'm gay, right? I'm not bi. And I'm certainly not questioning. Still, a few times last night during the Victoria's Secret thing I found myself thinking, "Damn, I'd really like to bury it in her." Thoughts?


maddie said...

You saw Rent again? Even better the second time? Now I might have to go this weekend.

Regarding your last comment...your thoughts are understandable. I'm a plain old straight girl, love the boys and all that, but Gisele (the one in your picture) is hot. She's my secret girl-crush.

freakgirl said...

1. Sorry about your lunch.

2. I hope you like some of the holiday mp3s I'll be putting up. Most of them will drive you nuts but perhaps there will be a gem in there somewhere.

3. At our party, we asked our guests to bring donations for the local animal shelter. There is a pile here in my office, and my cat is going CRAZYPANTS because she thinks it's all for her and how come I'm not OPENING IT ALREADY?

4. Re: Santa's poorer brother story. This will give you some insight into why I am so weird. My father told us that Santa had an evil brother named Markus who, if we misbehaved at any point during Christmas Day, would come to our house on a sleigh led by skunks and take back every single gift.

5. We saw "Rent" on Monday. I don't remember Jesse L. Martin being so fucking amazing in the stage play, but that's probably because I didn't have great seats when I saw the production. I loved it, but there were pieces missing/changed that pissed me off a bit.

6. I can't watch the VS Fashion Show because it's dangerous for my mental health.

Jen said...

Ha, St. Nick, living in a van down by the river!

I don't think I could have sex with a woman who was dressed like that because I wouldn't be able to stop laughing.

The Other Andrew said...

"Still, a few times last night during the Victoria's Secret thing I found myself thinking, "Damn, I'd really like to bury it in her." Thoughts?"

I'm thinking that given the festive themed outfit she's almost wearing + the 205 holiday songs means that this all boils down to it being a Santa thing.

The Other Andrew said...

Can I also just say how envious I am that you can walk into a store and be surrounded, ney engulfed, in Nate. Does it smell good too? Are you allowed to nuzzle?

Michael said...

maddie, I did indeed and yeah, I liked it even more. On closer examination, a few holes did present themselves, though. For one, if you weren't familiar with the play, the whole Mimi-Benny relationship would be confusing. See it again! And then with me in NYC someday.

freakgirl, thankfully I had some chicken breast in addition to the vegetable hocker. The price I pay for my fascination with Markus' sleigh pulled by eight tiny Le Pews is classic. And twisted. And yes, Jesse L Martin is amazing in this. What he does with his eyes alone is, well, ummm.....unnnnhh.

jen, Claus can afford suspenders, but St. Nick is forever hitchin' up his britches. I think the outfit may be WHY I wanna get with Gisele. So over the top. Not sure I'd wanna fuck her so much without the wings.

Yeah, Andrew, either the wings or the Santa thing. She's so fab. Also, she does have a masculine edge to her face, so that may explain why I (and maddie) wanna do her. RE: Nate. There are signature scents, too. Yep. All your senses are bombarded with Nate-ness. Oh yes, there was nuzzling.

The Other Andrew said...

I want Nate for Christmas.

Could you sort that please? I'll be your BFF.

Michael said...

IF ONLY I had some pull with Nate.

yaniboy said...

"She's so fab. Also, she does have a masculine edge to her face, so that may explain why I (and maddie) wanna do her."

That, and the fact that she's doing Leo, and there's a combination of going where Leo's been, plus the chance of a threeway :P

"IF ONLY I had some pull with Nate."

Mmmmm pulling Nate... *has happy party in my head*

Michael said...

Mmmmm pulling Nate... *has happy party in my head*

I know, right? You're a man/boy after my own heart, Yani.

*wondering if he's in the same position in your head as in mine*

yaniboy said...

I'm kind of seeing him in his silvery office... I was the Oprah show again the other day where they went around his house... :P

That's not what you meant by position is it... :P

luscious loulou said...

Nah. Not Giselle for me. Unless she could get a nice little 3-day-growth on her face to rub all over me, a velvety hot cock to rub all over me, smell like the sea, lots of underarm hair, taut bis and tris and a biteable sweaty neck.... Nah. I'm thinking I like guys.That's what I'm thinkin'. I like being manhandled.

Giselle ain't gonna do it.

I feel so perverse. ::sigh::

And I would like a Linens En Things "gah" gift card with Nate's picture on it... to put in my wallet and casually flash to Canadians who don't know he's a gift card. "Yep. He's my boyfriend. Yep."

So now I'm perverse and a bit of a saddo. But I think we all knew that, really, didn't we?

Michael said...

Stubble, smells like the sea, pit hair, sweaty neck....damn, you paint a perty picture, loulou, but so help me, I still have a bone for Giselle. I thought time would temper it, but didn't expect it to be like tempered steel. And yet, there it stands.

luscious loulou said...

Geez, I don’t even know you, do I? I’m bewildered and not a little dismayed.

::throws my hands up in the air:: I guess there’s no talking to you when you’re in this mood…

I'm thinkin' I should take a time-out before I say something I’ll regret.

Michael said...

I don't know what's gotten into me. Thanks for the restraint, sweets. ;-)

There are some HOTT pictures of Kelly Slater in the new Outside. I googled him and who else comes up? Gisele. They date! Fuck, I'm all mo, honest, but I'd bone either.