So I was at my totally tricked out dentist's office today for a "prophy" in the lexicon of the trade. That's a cleaning to you and I. Did I mention this joint is tricked out? We're talking plasma screens hanging all over the fucking place, butter leather chairs you'd like to date steadily and those window treatments I love where I can see out but you can't see in. The one thing missing? Male hygienists. Is that so much to acks for? If I'm paying good money to have your pit in my face while you shove vibrating instruments into my pie hole, I'd like you to be a man, OK? I know that shit ain't happening in the USA. Maybe if I travel to the gayest city in the gayest country in the world, I can get my guy-gienist there. If only there was someone Dutch around to ask. Where's Marjon when you need her? And sure, the dentist is a dude, but he don't do shit but charge you an extra $30 for five minutes of small talk with no penetration.
Tangentially, my friend called me the other morning and asked if I'd watch her kid for a few minutes while she shopped. I said I would if she'd give me a half hour or so to clean up. She was all, "You're a guy, it should only take five minutes." Well, I don't know about you, but just the Oral Hygiene segment of my routine alone can take ten minutes. Keep that in mind, kids. If I do just pits and crotch in the shower and skip the flossing, maybe I'll see you in twenty five, but no sooner.
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3 comments:
My male dentist also cleans my teeth. I love him. I actually don't mind going to the dentist anymore...I never though I would say that.
I complained about the hygienist, but I actually LOVE going to the dentist as well, Sara. With my oral fixation, you just know I'm a star patient, right? ;-)
So, are you in Cincinnati? Or did you not say?
I didn't even mind having a root canal. How sad is that? Of course I had a root canal because I was so afraid to go to the dentist for such a long time.
And, you would be correct about where I am.
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